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Sometimes she comes in like a lioness.
After trauma.
After impact.
After an emotional searing
reeking of eau d'stress.
She hasn't shown up that way very often
and not since 2012
when I kicked her in the butt
and showed her the door;
and not after weeks of struggling,
painful,
medicated,
rest.
I was told her visits were over.
That my body was healed and shielded.
Whatever I was doing
keep doing it...
Then sometimes,
like this time,
she comes knocking on my door
meowing like a worn out kitten,
starved of rest
exhausted from travel,
the base of her standing
feels like sharp, biting gravel.
More commonly than the lioness,
(whom I never want to see again)
so
I've learnt to listen
instead of fight her,
keeping her a kitten.
She is purring right now.
Subtle.
Quietly re-minding me to step back,
sit down,
feet up,
breathe deeper,
move slower.
Her name is MS.
and she is re-minding me to
re-collect:
More Sumptuousness...
Delightful nourishment.
What have I kept from her that she comes a'calling after such a long spell without her?
Mmhmm...yes, nourishment.
Omegas and VItamin D.
I haven't exactly been timely with them with all the travel and juggling between
homekeeping, job, writing, and book signings.
Stop juggling fatigue enhancers
and fuel up the energy prancers!
Raw organic greens, garlic, grains and berries...yum...
back to home cooking and lubricating my brain with coconut, olive and flax oils...
a nice plump fatty brain has no place for breakage.
More Sweat...
Exercise.
Our body's own
built-in
'Fountain of Youth'.
Though I'm very active, I'm afraid I've either been pushing myself too hard
or not enough.
"Balance," she purrs.
"I need consistency every day with enough push to trigger muscle-mind-nerve action. Not reaction.
That is enough."
Bathe myself in my workouts, weights, stretches, body vibe and sauna.
Permit my mind, spirit, nerves, and muscle to explore one another
without snapping at their limits.
More Serenity...
Talking about my story
has brought me
in and out
in and out
in and out
of the trauma that I wrote about.
My greatest intention was to purge myself of it
to help others see they're not alone,
to wake them up,
to take their hand and pull them out...
but I wasn't cutting the ties in between
the past and the present.
I wasn't giving myself enough time between talking about it
and re-gaining my serenity:
my present beautiful life.
So I am sitting in my present
re-grouping,
re-developing my message.
It is not about the story itself!
It's about what it gave me!
It's about inner-power!
It's about gut-health:
the connection between your mind and gut-feelings.
It's about the art of listening to it.
Trusting it.
Leaping into your brave!
And MS has been my most influential coach all along.
Without her
I would not have known
what it takes
to come face to face
with a lioness!
More Sex.
And I do, and don't, mean that literally.
I am blessed with a beautiful life, heart and body agreement with my marriage partner.
I am re-minded to allow us time every day to simply sink into one another.
'Let the rest of the world go by.'
But this is even MORE than that!
It's about pleasure.
'Kindness turns away wrath.'
'Immerse into that which gives you pleasure.'
Mmmmmmm...
Feel it.
Offer it.
Receive it.
It's about absorbing everything around you
with every sensor open wide.
Hold.
Taste.
Touch.
Smell.
Grip.
Whisp.
Centre.
Shell.
Rough.
Soft.
Prickly.
Smooth.
Warm.
Cool.
Milky.
Dew.
Seasoned.
Fresh.
Woven.
Strung.
Sleeping.
Resting.
Breathing.
Spun.
Sighing.
Laughing.
Wondering.
Cry.
Sweet.
Salty.
Dripping.
Dry.
Feeeeeeeeellllliiiiing so intencely
that the points of my body that cannot feel at the moment
can re-member
through the memory
of other points that can,
and be stimulated
back into its
perfectly,
tuned,
functioning,
splendour.
More Sunshine.
Yes.
And within reason be bare in it!
Sunscreen is full of chemicals.
Probably causing more skin cancer
than fresh air and sunkisses.
My opinion, but really?
Sesame seed oil.
Olive oil.
Natural SPF of 10.
Lather it on!
Daily I'm back in the sun.
After 2, not before 1.
Betwixt the hours of 2 - 4
is when I reap the sun's best store.
More Smiling.
I lean on humour when life gets full of tremours.
Have I not been smiling enough?
Reflecting quite honestly,
I have not been.
So:
no more taking on things I cannot change.
I can only change myself,
cleanse my own palette,
become a brighter person.
And, like the trees beneath the soil are connected through their roots,
and worms,
and organisms,
so is this smile connected
to the particles
that carry the frequencies
of happiness,
of love,
and of kindness,
outward like ripples in a pond;
like an arching spectrum of light
diffusing colour as the sun passes through the rain.
Smile through the pain.
This too shall pass,
and OH!
what it is re-minding me of
is simply,
sumptuously,
savouringly,
delicious!
Be well.
XOXO
Colleen